Then and Now

When I was young, my ambition was to be a mother and a teacher.

Playtimes during my childhood would be me role playing as a mother, sometimes a pregnant woman, other times a mother of one. (to my poor younger brother)

If I got bored being a mak mak, then a teacher I would become complete with my mom's handbag and heels.

Yes, I was a teacher to only one pupil. (yes, that same younger brother. poor boy.)

I got married young hence my ovaries had plenty of plump and fresh eggs excited to be fertilised.

My husband on the other hand was not that young.

So when we didn't get pregnant after 2 months of marriage, he was freaking out.
I was just about to embark on my teaching career when I found out I was pregnant.
We hit jackpot on the 3rd month. No need to see a fertility specialist. Alhamdullilah!

I was happy beyond words.

Over the moon. On cloud nine. Absolutely delirious.

Immediately, I started waddling.

I started hopping from one baby boutique to another, already shopping for my 6 week old foetus, whose gender was not known.
I bought pregnancy magazines not to read about taking care of a newborn.

Instead, I paid attention to hoards of details on how to look like an amazing teletubby.

As I looked back at how immature I was, I cringed because motherhood is not about the brand of your baby's stroller, the fanciful (and tight!) headbands on your bald baby girl and pretty dresses which your kid will outgrow within a month.

My mom always said to me, 'Kin, your child will turn your life upside down.'.....to which I'll reply 'Yes, mom! For the better, surely.'

Mothers know best and my Puan Rokiah was (and will always be) god damn right.

Nyla changed my world upside down.

Nobody warned me about how sucky motherhood can be in the beginning.

Of course my mom did but I was too consumed seeing pictures of blissed out and sexy celebrity moms proclaiming in unison that motherhood is the best thing that ever really happened to them.

Kuang asam. Tipah sungguh tertipu.

Being a new mommy is a tough battle, man.

The initial 3 months was excruciatingly tough.

Pads were my best friends. I've never been so well armed down there and up there my whole life.

Funny I just assumed that my babe would be the most perfect angelic baby.

Perfect? Yes.

Angelic? No. (Yes, I know she looked pretty angelic back then. Do not be deceived!)

She was a colicky baby whose ambition was probably to be a night shift security guard.

She would cry, cry and cry.

All she wanted to do was to lie on my rubbery stomach.

Whenever she cries, tears would also roll down my chubby postpartum cheeks due to the sleep deprivation.

Her persistent cries made Esman's snores sound like a sonata.

She refused to be separated from my gigantic and swollen (now shrunken) boobs.

Then time flew and Nyla the baby was developing a personality .

She no longer cried for hours.

She started eating well.

She started sleeping through the night. (Hellloooo beauty sleep!)

I started to feel the overwhelming love for her.

I became her paparazzi, with my camera on my hip always snapping pictures of her.

Fast forward to today.

To my mom, I totally get what you mean now!

My life has definitely changed.

And mom, might I add, although there were difficult times, I owe what I am today as a mother to those tough moments.

If this entry is scaring the s*&% out of you pregnant ladies, I'm sorry.

In fact, I hope this entry will prepare you for motherhood.

Read up on breastfeeding, breast pumps, handling colicky babies etc.

To new mommies out there, hang in there because time will fly. Hey, look at me. I survived!

All thanks to a wonderful support network!

Motherhood is challenging. No doubt about that.

However one thing I can assure you is that it definitely gets better and better!