Thursday, March 27, 2014

Thankful

You know on Facebook.... you come across positive minded friends on your newsfeed who share with you the stuff they're thankful for.
Siap with #grateful #thankful #blessed hash tags all.
Nice.

Today I realised that there was something I overlooked.

I fell pregnant.

Honestly I was worried because my baby was conceived when I was recovering. My body macam suffered a breakdown from all the hard work put in 2012/13 la I guess.
Doctors advised me to take a step back.... And start eating more.
Rested I did. Ate regular meals....
While I was on the road to recovery, tested positive on the pregnancy test kit.

My gynae, Dr Citra Mattar (my sil,Netty's sis!) offered me her 'cautious congratulations'....
By the way she is based in NUH and she is like so awesome!!!! Very caring gynae.

Oh what is it you all wanna ask?

Nyla's reaction?
One moment she's all excited!
 "Mommy! Make the baby really chubby! Then I sleep with the baby and read and sing to him/her." Mommy's assistant! Power. No need confinement nanny. :p
The next moment she's all angry.
"Can you both please stop talking about the baby already?"

But, deep down, E and I know that Nyla will make the best sister any sibling can ever ask for. No doubt.

You know it has been like so lonnnngggggg.....

BEST KE APA KENA PAMPERED?

After work, E would never fail to ask me,"Mummy, what food you feel like having today?"
Yessssarrrrrr no need to cook!

My mother. Ya Allah.
The other time I bought 'Eclipse' sweets from 7-11.
When she saw me carrying the tiny plastic bag, she exclaimed,"Eh! Don't carry heavy stuff!"
Please eh Mom.

My colleagues, Saat and Alina, always made sure my tummy was filled before AND after appointments. And whenever there were evening/night appointments, they would handle.
So I'm pretty much at home before Maghrib.

Unfortunately...
Despite the pampering and the rest, this pregnancy was not fated to last. :(

When we couldn't find the heartbeat, our hearts broke.
Dr Citra prepared me for the worst.
"Nura, the sac looks irregular. Looks like its lower too. On the way down. I'm sorry, this looks like a miscarriage about to happen."
She was right.
I miscarried the moment I reached home.
Devastated.
Of course la I cried,but really kita kan orang beragama Islam.
Allah knows best.

E and I made sure Nyla was present for all the appointments.

On that fateful evening....like a best friend, she put her arms around my waist (cannot reach shoulder yet pe) and said,"So my adik is in baby heaven huh? You know that's a better place right?"
Totally Nyla.
Sometimes the words that come out from your mouth makes me feel like you're an adult.

The heartbreak of the miscarriage made me realise how little control I have over things.

I am thankful for the miscarriage because this little baby has ignited so much love among my family and friends. (I know la still foetus but I already dah sayang seh so baby it will be for me k.)
So touched with all the pampering while the baby was inside me.
Still touched with the support they gave me when the baby was returned to Allah.

My takeaway from this episode is that there is beauty and love in difficult moments like this.
The baby and I  may not make it far during this pregnancy but those weeks of being a tag team duo with the baby were very much cherished.
Ma shaa Allah, it has brought so much happiness.
Grateful for the temporary joy Allah has bestowed on me.

After all, everything in this life is not permanent.
I am so very glad to have had the opportunity to experience that few weeks of having Allah's gift inside me.
My little miracle.

For that I am thankful.
Alhamdullilah.

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