Earlier, I was sitting alone when a makcik approached me.
She said,"Anak satu je Nura?" (Only one child Nura?)
I just nodded and smiled.
As she walked away, I suddenly felt sad.
Not many of you may know this but Mr E and I would have been parents to 2 kids.
I suffered a miscarriage in early 2006.
If that child were alive today, he/she 'd be 5 years old this year....
and would definitely be Nyla's 'bestest' friend ever.
The second pregnancy was exactly like my first. No puking whatsoever.
And just like when I was carrying Nyla, I craved for Nasi Lemak every day.
However, unlike the first pregnancy, I had spotting. When I went for check up, my gynae, Dr Han How Chuan (I love him!) found the heartbeat to be very strong and told me there was nothing to worry. Probably implantation bleeding....
Everyday there would be brownish discharge. But I had no cramps so I wasn't worried or panicky. Besides, with second pregnancy, my kancheongness level kind of dipped big time.
On that fateful day...
I was teaching my Primary 6F pupils, I felt the urge to go to the toilet so I excused myself. When I went to pee, I was shocked to see fresh red blood in the toilet bowl. Deep down, I knew my second child was gone. I searched for a colleague who ever miscarried and showed her my stain. Immediately, she told me that shed take over my class and told me to go to the hospital. I declined her kind offer since I only had 10 minutes left of teaching with my class before my free period. So as I continued teaching, I saw my principal and vice principal at my classroom door telling me they would take over and I pack up and go to KK. Yeah, my concerned colleague, Veron told them. I was blessed with caring colleagues and superb leaders then. Very touched.
Called Mr E and he met me at KK. Dr Han saw me and when I told him there was fresh blood, immediately he pulled me to lie on that bed. Yeap, no galloping heartbeat sound. Dr Han looked real worried and asked his nurse for his glasses. "Come on... give us that blinking dot," I said to myself.
After what seemed like an eternity, Dr Han said,
"I'm sorry. No heartbeat Nura. Your baby's heart stopped 6 days ago."
I wailed so bad. Mr E teared as well.
My mom cried when I told her that I lost my baby. My elder brother, Bah too.
It was so hard to see the tiny baby and knowing that it had died about a week earlier.
Whenever I have my miscarriage flashback, I'd feel down.
Sweet indeed to imagine myself to be a mother of 2.
The babe would probably be an exact replica of Nyla.. Same vivacious personality..
Or opposite... Serious no nonsense kind. Either way, still cute man.
I'm sorry for the rather sad entry. I am only human.
You mommies and (preggers) know that love begins before a baby is born.
To my precious baby who never made it to the world to join Mommy, Daddy and Big Sis Nyla, we do think of you and miss you more than you could ever know.
Mommy is sorry for not making my womb a safe place to you, our precious.